negotiation

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• SKILL.md
• techniques.md · references/

SKILL.md (first lines)

# Negotiation

Tactical empathy-based negotiation framework from FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss. Understand the emotional drivers behind decisions and use proven techniques to build rapport, uncover hidden information, and reach better outcomes.

## Core Principle

**People want to be understood and feel safe.** The most effective path to "yes" runs through empathy, active listening, and emotional intelligence -- not logic, arguments, or compromise. Treat every negotiation as a discovery process: your assumptions are hypotheses to test, and the other side's needs (respect, security, autonomy) matter more than their stated positions. Never split the difference -- no deal is better than a bad deal.

## Scoring

**Goal: 10/10.** Score 1 point per satisfied Quick Diagnostic row (6 rows), plus up to 4 points for execution quality: emotions labeled out loud (+1), "That's right" earned not "You're right" (+1), no "Why?" / no splitting the difference / no chasing "yes" (+1), at least one Black Swan surfaced (+1). Bands: **9-10** = audit delivered, calibrated questions and BATNA prepared, "That's right" achieved, Black Swans hunted; **5-6** = some prep but arguing the position or chasing "yes"; **<=3** = no audit, no BATNA, splitting the difference. Always state the current score and the specific gaps to reach 10/10.

## Framework

### 1. Tactical Empathy

**Core concept:** Consciously imagine yourself in the counterpart's situation, then vocalize their perspective to create trust and openness.

**Why it works:** When people feel understood, brain chemistry shifts toward trust and cooperation, short-circuiting defensive reactions. Empathy is not agreement -- you can understand their position while advocating your own.

**Key insights:**
- Before responding, ask: "What is their world like right now?"
- Articulate their situation, pressures, and fears before stating your position
- Empathy must be genuine, not performed -- people detect fakeness instantly
- Unconditional positive regard: respect them as a person regardless of disagreement
- Emotions are contagious -- stay calm and positive; slow pace enables clear thinking

**Product applications:**

| Context | Application | Example |
|---------|-------------|---------|
| **Customer support** | Acknowledge frustration before solving | "I understand this outage is affecting your team's deadline" |
| **Sales calls** | Voice the prospect's pressures | "It sounds like you're under pressure to show results this quarter" |
| **Pricing conversations** | Acknowledge budget constraints upfront | "I know adding another tool to the stack feels risky right now" |

**Copy patterns:**
- "I understand you're dealing with..."
- "It seems like this is creating pressure for your team..."
- "Before we talk about next steps, I want to make sure I understand where you're coming from..."

See [references/techniques.md](references/techniques.md) for the full 21-technique reference -- each section below points to the part you need at the moment you need it. Open it now for The Power of Apology and Pause, which has no section here.

### 2. Mirroring

**Core concept:** Repeat the last 1-3 critical words your counterpart said, with a curious, upward-inflecting tone, then go silent.

**Why it works:** Mirroring signals deep listening, creating familiarity and rapport. It prompts elaboration without direct questions, revealing more than the counterpart intended to share.

**Key insights:**
- Repeat the key or emotion-laden words back as a gentle question
- Wait silently (4+ seconds) for them to expand
- Works in person, on the phone, and in written communication
- The simplest technique, but often the most effective for information gathering

**Product applications:**

| Context | Application | Example |
|---------|-------------|---------|
| **Discovery calls** | Mirror key concerns to get elaboration | Client: "The timeline is tight." You: "The timeline is tight?" |
| **User interviews** | Encourage deeper explanation of pain | User: "It's just frustrating." You: "Frustrating?" |
| **Objection handling** | Reflect to find the root cause | "Doesn't fit your budget?" |

**Copy patterns:**
- "[Key phrase they used]?" (with question mark)
- "You mentioned [their exact words]..."
- "When you say [mirror], what does that look like?"

### 3. Labeling

**Core concept:** Identify and verbalize the counterpart's emotions or perspective using neutral phrases: "It seems like...", "It sounds like...", "It looks like..."

**Why it works:** Naming emotions validates them -- labeling negative emotions diffuses their power, labeling positive emotions reinforces them. The tentative phrasing gives room to correct you, which deepens the conversation either way.

**Key insights:**
- Always use third-person phrasing ("It seems like..."), never "I think you..."
- After labeling, be silent -- let them respond
- A wrong label still pays: their correction is valuable information
- Watch for emotional shifts that signal you've hit the mark

**Product applications:**

| Context | Application | Example |
|---------|-------------|---------|
| **Customer complaints** | Name the frustration before solving | "It sounds like you feel let down by our response time" |
| **Sales objections** | Label the underlying concern | "It seems like there's a concern about implementation risk" |
| **Churn prevention** | Identify the real reason for leaving | "It sounds like something changed since you first signed up" |

**Copy patterns:**
- "It seems like..."
- "It sounds like you're feeling..."
- "If I'm reading this right, it feels like..."

### 4. Calibrated Questions

**Core concept:** Open-ended "How...?" and "What...?" questions that shape the conversation while giving the counterpart the illusion of control.

**Why it works:** Calibrated questions engage the counterpart's problem-solving mind, making them feel in charge while you steer. They force the other side to consider your position without you stating it, and avoid the defensiveness "Why?" creates.

**Key insights:**
- Start with "How" or "What" -- avoid "Why" (sounds accusatory)
- "How am I supposed to do that?" is the most powerful pushback without saying no
- Keep the tone genuinely collaborative, never sarcastic
- Exception for "Why": only when you want them to defend something favorable to you ("Why would you ever choose our company?")
- Follow every "yes" with "How...?" to secure implementation commitment

**Product applications:**

| Context | Application | Example |
|---------|-------------|---------|
| **Price negotiation** | Push back without refusing | "How am I supposed to do that at that price point?" |
| **Scope creep** | Make them own the constraint | "What happens to the timeline if we add this?" |
| **Stakeholder alignment** | Uncover hidden decision-makers | "How does your team typically make decisions like this?" |

**Copy patterns:**
- "How am I supposed to do that?"
- "What's the biggest challenge you're facing?"
- "What would it take to make this happen?"

For No-oriented questions ("Would it be unreasonable to...?") and tactical mislabeling to draw out a corrective "No", see techniques.md section 8 when a counterpart is guarded or stalling.

From wondelai/skills, MIT.

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